Bloody Sunday.

Met with an accident on Sunday night. It was about 8pm. I was on the way to Grandma's place for dinner as it was 元宵节. Took Bus 196. My place and Grandma's place is only 1 stop away. I never expect myself to meet with any mishap during this short journey.

I did not get a seat, as what Ive said, it's only a stop away. I stood at the Exit, HOLDING ON TO THE POLE, wasnt aware of what happened to the traffic. 

Suddenly I felt a REALLY STRONG BRAKE. I lost my balance. And lost grip of the pole as well. I flew to the front. Quickly, I grabbed onto another pole. But the brake was that strong, I lost grip of that pole again. This time, I fell to the ground, and continue flying to the front. An aunty sitting near the entrance got hold of me. However, my head already hit the 'wall' (that protruding part where you just enter the bus, right beside the door for the entrance.) I felt the hurt in my head. BUT! I COULDNT THINK TOO MUCH FOR MYSELF AT THAT MOMENT. BECAUSE. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME WAS AN OLD MAN, LYING FLAT ON THE FLOOR. I ran to him without hesitation! I wanted to grab him up immediately, but remembering what my mum told me before, DONT help an old person up, because YOU MAY FRACTURE HIM/HER, so I dared not. BUT I COULDNT JUST LEAVE HIM THERE! I held his arms and pulled him a little. By this time, an uncle came and wanted to help too. When I pulled that old man up, I saw his face, FULL OF BLOOD. I was so shocked and scared at that moment of time, I found myself couldnt move, and voice couldnt come out from my mouth. Tears started to gather at my throat. I started to tremble. Soon, I recovered from shock, still trembling while I talked. I dialed 995 and this time, an intern nurse was beside me already. I couldnt talk, I couldnt think. So I passed the phone to that nurse the moment the call got through. I wiped the blood of the old man. With those wrinkles, I had a hard time identifying where the blood actually came from. It seemed like the head. But then I realised, it was from the edge of the eye, about 1mm away? FUCK. 

Soon, the ambulance arrived. I stood out of the bus(I was at the entrance. I have to stand out of the bus so that the paramedics could get to work.), still shivering in shock.

The bus driver got our numbers. And thats all. NO APOLOGIES AT ALL. 

Went home and told my mum about it. She helped me check and realised theres a balm at the side of my head. Not serious though. 

Met Pearlyn after that. And told her the whole incident. She asked me to better go for a check up, in case of any internal injury. And so I did.

I went last afternoon, to Singapore General Hospital. QUEUED FOR DAAAAAAMN LONG FOR EVERY PROCESS! AND THE PROCEDURE WAS ALSO DAAAAAMN LONG BEFORE I COULD SEE A DOCTOR!!!

Was at the first station(I dont even know what station is that.). Temperature taken. Told the... lets call him a nurse.. Told the nurse what happened. He was the one who asked what happened, so I answered. Then he said, "TELL THE NURSE ABOUT IT LATER." I was like...Huh? Orh.

Then I went to queue for registration. It took superrrrr long!

After registration, I could finally see the nurse. 

It was a cheena. Ok nvm. She asked me what happened. I explained to her everything. After explaining the whole incident, she asked, "Sorry. Can you repeat again?" WTF. Ok. Never mind. I explained again. There were these few times, I couldnt understand what she was talking. I mean, isnt it obvious that Im a Chinese? You can really speak in Mandarin with me you know? Im not trying to say that her English sucks, and mine rocks. Im just trying to say, since we have difficulty communicating, just speak in a language we can both understand la! Somemore, she heard me talking to my brother in Mandarin lor.

Then she actually wanted me to go off, without seeing the doctor, until I told her, "I ACTUALLY FLEW QUITE FAR."

So after seeing the nurse, she gave me the queue number again, and wait for my turn to see the doctor, and I waited and waited and waited...again. 

Finally it's my turn!!! 

I opened the door, and WA! 2 doctors were there(one of them just happened to be in that room. Not that they have 2 doctors for each patient.), and both of them LOOK LIKE THEYRE FROM MUMBAI or something. Errr.. Singapore is really maximising Foreign talent eh?

Went home and rest for awhile and met the girls at night.

MARCHE!

CHOCOLATE FONDUE AT SWENSENS NEXT!

 

Walked towards Sentosa. That romantic bridge.

Stars gazing and moon tanning.

We just laid down, and enjoyed that very moment.

There were really many stars last night.

Err.. You will only see the stars if you look closely at it. Hahaha!

A Journey of Reflections

The first time in my life, I went to watch a movie alone. With my wallet, my keys, and a pack of cigarettes. No phone. 
Guess it's also the first time I din have my phone by my side for so long? 


 Woke up crying this morning. 
Felt that I really should take a break away from everything, away from the lies, the scary human beings, the cruel facts. 


 I knew the fact about J(lets call him J, as I dont want anybody to know who this person is. Dont have to guess who this is. Because J is not the initial of this person.) long ago. 
S told me about him. But I couldnt believe it. Because the way he portrays himself in front of me, is a totally different person. 
I knew it deep down in my heart that what S told me is the truth, as there isnt any reason for him to lie, since he's close to the both of us. However, I gave J the benefits of doubt. I really dont want to believe what S said. So I lied to myself, I told myself, maybe what S told me were just rumors, maybe they really are not the truth. 
Though it kept coming back to me, even after I decided to just believe in J. I told myself, as long as Im happy with J, why care about any other things. 
And I took some time to really let go of whats been kept in my mind. 
Of course, I talked to J about this. He denied all the way. So yea, I thought, even if it's the truth, it has passed. So, forget it. 
P(another friend) told me, and with confidence, that he was lying. But whatever, I dont care. I just want things to continue the way it is. 


 1 year down the road. J told me the truth. That what S said was right. When I heard the words coming out from him, I wasnt too shocked. I was well prepared for this. I was well prepared that he was this kind of person. I dont know why but I kind of always guessed correctly what kind of person someone is. 
However, my heart dropped. It probably dropped to my toes already by then. I dont know why I felt so horrible then. I know the truth already, and was well prepared, no? Why I still felt so.....? 


We had a talk at some bench. I could see he din really want to talk about it. 


But youre going to just leave me hanging there and die like that? No way. 


 So we talked. And I figured out I was actually more depressed by the way he acted in front of me, instead of that TRUTH. 
He acted as if hes the one with the truth. 
I know, I know he just hates his past. He really really hates his past. Thats why he din want to talk about it. Not just to me, but anyone. He just doesnt want to be reminded of his past. To tell you the truth, I hate your past too. But I think I have the rights to know everything, no? 


Anyway, I know that you have not said out EVERYTHING that you have been hiding from me. I can tell, you know? 


So, back to today. Went to watch Underworld. 
It was about a movie, where the humans turned into wolves. And they were after the vampires. 
I dont know how the producer wants us to feel. But I was actually just thinking, "SEE. HOW HORRIBLE HUMAN BEINGS ARE. AND HOW THEY WILL BECOME WORSE IN THE FUTURE." 


After movie, I went to some park, to sit at a bench. I just sat down there, and look at the cigarettes burn. I din smoke much. Just LITERALLY, watching the cigarettes burn. 


Then a small girl came. And played beside me. I kept looking at her. Admiring at how happy she is. 
She played with the stones and her toys. 
I looked back at my own childhood. 
At that age, I was beaten by my mum at least once a week? And scolded by her everyday. 
I hate to eat. And I ate damn slowly. I could really take more than an hour to eat. I got caned because of that all the time. But all the pain, was just physical pain. No pain deep down my heart. 


I saw a lady with 2 dogs. 
I kept looking at them. I love dogs. I dont know why, I just love them. I love them since young, and always wanted to get one, but couldnt. I could even go to my cousin's house to stay for a few nights just to play with the dogs. 
And I thought, if only I can have one, he will be sitting down here with me, listening to my sorrows. 


I saw primary school students. 
Back then, I was a good student. I went home everyday to do my homework. I could play, I could watch TV. But I have to finish my homework first. Even on a Friday, I have to finish my homework first, nothing can be brought forward to the next day. Still remember my mum always said,"今天的事情，今天做。" 
Exams werent very scary back then. Because mum will spend more time preparing for me than myself. She would look through the WHOLE file, and copy EVERY mistake I made. And asked me to redo. Everything is prepared by my mum. I just have to listen to what she said, and abide to her. I wasnt even stress about it. 


I saw secondary school students. And secondary school couples.
Both good memories and bad memories came. 
Good memories were the moments that I enjoyed myself so much with my friends. I was so free then, I meant my heart. I din have to care about people's feelings. I was just happy with myself. Ive got no clique. I just ran around making friends with everybody. Nobody is there to control me. I just love to run around like that, talking to everybody. Like a free bird. 
Bad memories, I was together with Alvin. No offence. I was so angry all the time. And making scenes in school. Regretted for being such high profile in my relationship back then. Everything could be better if I controlled my temper well. 


But something to be proud of, I really improved alot, compared to last time. This, I really have to say. 


 It was really peaceful just now. No communication with anybody. Nothing. I was really living in my own world. 
At that point of time, my heart became so light. 
As I looked at that small girl, looked at the dogs, looked at the cigarettes, I really felt so much happier. 
The small girl said hello to me, and I said hello back. The conversation was just like that. But made me feel alot better. 


So, I left the park with a light heart, and a smile on my face. Ok, sounds like a retard, whatever. 


And I thought, how nice it would be if everyday is like that. I even thought, should I just throw away my laptop and my phone? 
Being alone, wont make you feel hurt. Nobody will be there to hurt you. With no friendship, no relationship, no family, nobody is there to hurt you anymore. You do what you like, and thats it. 


So I got home and replied all the messages, talked on the phone with someone. And then, my heart is heavy again. No man. I think I should really throw away my phone. 


 I want to be a loner.

I WANT TO SLIM DOWN!

Just Want to be a Student

Im bored of my job already. Feel like quitting. With this company for 7 months already, the longest Ive stayed with a company for my whole life. 6 months was my limit. Dont know why, but I just get bored of things real fast.

It's not that this job is not good or the people are not nice. In fact, the people here are really nice. Job is good. Pay is good. Everything is good.

The only problem is, there are not many youngsters here. Only 3 whom Im close with. Only 3! The rest are all at their middle age, married with children. I have nobody to play around with!!!

Let alone playing around when working, even during lunch, I only go out and eat with that ONLY PERSON everyday. AH! You know how bad this is?!?!

And during work, I'll just keep quiet at my own table. Once awhile go around and disturb the other youngster. Thats all. Fffffff....

No longer the same as in schools.

And that is one of the major reasons why I want to study so much NOW! AS A FULL TIME STUDENT.

May I have a rich father out of nowhere now.

Can Money Drop from the Sky?

Things to save up for:

1. STUDY. $37,000.


2. Braces. $3000 to $5000.


3. Driving License. $1000.


4. Bike License(Maybe). $1000.


5. Chalet. $700.


6. Dance(Maybe). $160.


7. Spectacles. $100.


8. Wardrobe. $100.

How do you compare when they are totally different?

I keep quiet doesnt mean I feel nothing.
I laugh doesnt mean Im not crying inside.

Reflection.

In 2011, many things happened. The good things, the unpleasant things. The ups, the downs.

This year is the year that I have drastic changes in life. And learnt many things. Especially independence, as I've moved out to live alone.
Graduated from poly. Ended my student life. Started working, a brand new and different life.
Slimmed down. Gained weight. Worked super hard towards my aim. Gave up halfway, stood up and continued.

Found my love, fell in love, got into relationship. Quarreled, bickered, cried, laughed, sad, insecured, happy, angry. Things got better and better each day. We love each other more and more each day. We travelled together.

In this new year, I'm prepared to work even harder towards my aim. I'm sure I'm going to do it one day, within this year.
Most importantly, earn and save lots and lots of money!!! Muahaha!

New year resolution:
1. Slim down.
Target: 42kg.

2. Have savings.
Target: Errr... P&C? But at least have the ability to take a private degree.

3. Make bf love me deeper and deeper.
Target: Until he dies in my hands. MUAHAHA!

4. Not scolding eFFFF eMMM eLLL.(Made the same resolution last year. But within don't know how many days and I got to do it already.)

5. Slim down.

6. Slim down.

7. Still slim down.

8. Become hotter and sexier.

9. Learn New Jazz with my hot and sexy body.

10. Just slim down.